Written by René Fay

Things feel especially chaotic, busy, overwhelming, and urgent to me these days, both internally and externally. I have noticed a couple of recurring urges arise when having these experiences, reactions cultivated so well over decades that they feel natural.

The first reaction is deep shame and guilt. Shame and guilt for feeling “behind” or that I’ve not done enough, for not showing up fully for the people and work I love. Of course, guilt and shame only compound the feelings of chaos and overwhelm, adding another heavy thing weighing on my heart.

The second reaction is the impulse to lock in and push through — the idea that I just need to hunker down and get things done, and gentleness and ease are waiting for me on the other side of productivity. I have internalized this response to chaos and urgency so expertly that I can even convince myself that it is a form of care. I sincerely love my work and the people in my communities, so it often feels as though working harder to do more is the best way of tending to and investing in that love.

What may be less obvious here is the level of self-aggression in this urge, and the cost thereof. When responding to internal or external chaos by prioritizing urgency and productivity, I actively work in opposition to the qualities of ease and gentleness I’m trying to cultivate — in myself, my relationships, my communities, and the world. Instead, I foster disconnection, dysregulation, and dehumanization in myself and others. I become a robot plowing through tasks at any cost.

The cost is humanness.

The Buddhist concept of the Middle Way offers support here. Rather than ping-ponging between the self-deprecation of shame and the self-aggression of relentless pushing, it offers a more balanced path, one that neither abandons responsibility nor weaponizes it. Ease and gentleness are not the reward waiting on the other side of productivity. They are meant to be incorporated into all aspects of our lives, including the hard work and labors of love.

As a practice, when I notice feelings of shame and urgency arise, I take a brief, mindful pause to interrupt the runaway spiral. I remind myself that whatever I have to offer is enough. Then, from a more gentle, less urgent place, I return to the task at hand. This is an act of true love and care for everyone, myself included.