Written by René Fay

It seems obvious, right? Even I'm tempted to shrug and move on; nothing more to see here, just a fundamental truth. And yet, another clear truth exists. Today, we as a species spend enormous amounts of time and energy avoiding reality, while simultaneously wishing it were different.

There is a quote from James Baldwin that helps me navigate these seemingly contradictory truths: "Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed that is not faced."

During mindfulness meditation, we train in becoming more familiar with ourselves, cultivating stability, self-compassion, equanimity, and less reactivity in everyday life. But there in the fine print lies an important distinction: we are becoming familiar with all parts of ourselves, not just the comfortable, enjoyable, easy ones.

Mindfulness practice supports us in getting to know ourselves as we actually are, not as we wish we were. This deeper familiarity cannot be cultivated through criticism, judgment, or avoidance; it blossoms through compassionate acceptance of what is. Plenty of things arise in my practice that make me cringe and want to shove them back under the rug, like a small child covering their eyes, believing the world disappears when they stop engaging with it. But fixating on the things we deem “good” and recoiling from the things we deem “bad" only feed patterns of reactivity. It is through practicing compassion and curiosity that we can truly begin to face and accept all aspects of ourselves.

This doesn't mean we don't need to grow, evolve, or change. Mindfulness practice also brings us into contact with the impermanence of everything, including how we ourselves are constantly changing. Facing ourselves with compassion and curiosity rather than judgment allows us to assess our situation and act with care from a more informed, less reactive place. From this place of inner stability and deeper self-understanding, intentional change becomes possible.

As Baldwin's quote makes clear, we must first face something before we can change it. We cannot skip that step if we want to create real change in ourselves, our communities, or the world at large.