Written by Jen Liu

When we practice mindfulness of the breath, we really start to get to know the in-breath and out-breath. Over the course of an ordinary breath cycle, it's hard to tell where the inhale ends and the exhale begins; the two collaborate in an interdependent dance that supports our entire life force.

We can see this same pattern of the breath cycle mirrored throughout our practice. When we’re confronted with fear or self-doubt, we can see that moment as just the inhale. What comes next — how we respond — is the exhale.

For instance, I recently tried leading a new guided meditation for some friends, improvising many of the visualization cues on the spot. Because of the casual setting, they sat in chairs and I stood. As I went along, I found myself getting quite nervous and self-conscious. The judging mind kicked in. I worried I wasn't doing a good job — and at some point, I noticed I'd started crossing my arms.

It was clear that I had felt an unconscious impulse to make myself smaller. My awareness of that gave me the agency to respond to it. So in that moment, “uncross your arms” became a mindfulness exercise in itself.

When we experience contraction, literally or figuratively, there is a sense that it’s like a breath that wants to move. We're clenching, holding onto, even bracing the self against the threat of pain. The threat might be failure, judgment, or shame.

Our out-breath, then, could be the choice to soften into self-compassion. It doesn't always have to look like rising to the challenge in a specific way that fits a certain mold. It can just be an internal process of moving the energy inside of us that had wanted us to stay small. It can just be uncrossing our arms.

The idea that we can release, even just a little bit, probably contract again, and release yet again — just taking it step by step like that, working through the tension with time, consistency, and sincerity — seems to be a formula for softening into our authentic expression, rather than hardening into our habitual patterns.